I awoke this morning to distance cries of my people...crying out, free the cheese! Don't enslave our cheddar! Let my Parmesan go! It was horrible I tell you horrible! but then suddenly out of the darkness I saw it...a strange light a white light that could defy even the creamiest of mozzarellas. Yes finally its here! yes I could see him clearly now! In his holy name..."CHEESUS!" I cried out! (of course he was holy so really he was swiss Cheesus) I tossed and turned until I woke with a start "HOLY HAVARTI!" I screamed. I opened my eyes to the soft touch of the Sister Sure-she-is. "Are you quite alright?" She asked. "If I am its only due to your tender loving care." I replied. I then attempted my best try at a good smolder, but found that my manly mojo was tuned out by the purity that is Sister Sure-she-is. "Come with me, I want to show you something" she said tenderly taking my hand. " The woman led me to a the doors leading to the outside. "I don't understand sister, what is it that you are trying to tell me?" She put her finger to her lips in order to shush me. She then placed her hand against the wood. The door creaked open revealing a crowd of shouting people carrying signs. "OCCUPY!" they all shouted, "OCCUPY!". "What is this?" I asked, "Why do you show me this?". "This is the real world, these are the struggles of real people, none of these struggles I am sorry to say...involve cheese..."
she looked out at the sky which was suddenly turning gloomy. "What do you mean?", I demanded, are you saying my people aren't real, I am standing before you aren't I? I havn't been taking my invisibility medicine or anything!" I tear began to role down her face, "No, Wisconsin exists, although it probably won't for long, because it has no real use, but its not your Wisconsin, it is not in danger of evil spies, and you...you are not its Earl...Wisconsin...has no Earl..." a large lump began to develop inside of my throat, she was wrong, she had to be wrong. I am a hero, a gentleman, a knight! No evil can outwit me! When maidens cry I am there to save them, when evil strikes, I am there to strike back! INCONCEIVABLE! "I am so sorry to have told you this, we really didn't want to, but you are the truest and most noble heart to ever walk through our doors, I will miss The Earl of Wisconsin very much...very much..." I could not breath, my sobs began to over come me. The sky mimicked his feelings as the darkness opened up as lightening lit up the sky, and the mourning thunder howled after it. Maybe it was a trick maybe she works for the evil spies, maybe I don't exist at all! "WHO AM I?" I began to race fervently through the crowd. I grabbed one of the protesters and looked him in the eye, it was a young man with the tiny little blooming of facial hair upon him. "Do you know who I am? I am the Earl of Wisconsin! I am he that fights for freedom and love and most of all CHEESE! I pray you sir, do you know me?" The young man shook his head his pasty white skin going even whiter as his his face twisted with confusion. "Dude cut back." He held his hands up in a defensive manner "I'm just here for the camping." He didn't know me, no one did. how could this be? I preceded to run as fast as I could towards the last chance to save my honor, as a gentleman and an Earl, my entire quest was a sham, I must do what is right to make up for this heinous crime to the world...It was then I knew what I must do, I must sacrifice myself as Brutus did, in the name of doing what is right. So there I went bloggers...to my salvation...to my death.
