I'm going on a trip...a real long trip....

"Today is the first day of the rest of your life." said the travel agent in a boring monotone that reflected his own need for a vacation. "I WANT TO GO TO WISCONSIN!!!! WHAT PART OF THAT DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?" Sigh...oh excuse me bloggers, I am so tired of being undercover you must understand. I am tired! I miss my home and the open fresh air, I miss the loving touch of Lady Sketchy Dave the third the Earl of Wisconsin. I miss her uni-brow and the sweet smell of her tuchus in the early morn! Alas! that sweet tuchus! oh how I miss its robustness that can only be compared to that of the smiling sun! I miss the strawberries, oh do you remember the strawberries! That's it!! I'm leaving! its time yes...I have taken the Hero's journey, and I will throw myself into the fiery pits of hell before I quit now! OH YES! Oh yes! I will! I will gather an army that will destroy all of Castle apartments! I will no longer hide from my adversaries, but rise up to meet them! First! They are like ants! Oh yes they all are! ...Ah, how shall I do it? Oh, I know. I'll turn him into a flea, a harmless, little flea, and then I'll put that flea in a box, and then I'll put that box inside of another box, and then I'll mail that box to myself, and when it arrives... I'll smash it with a hammer! It's brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, I tell you! Genius, I say! MUHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!!!! (Travel agent clears throat) "Um...are you gonna buy anything?...cause you're on the clock."
I walked outside to a woman on the curve, so reminded me of Lady Sketch, (not Shaniqua who ignored all my woos, but the fat one that I left in Wisconsin...and when I say fat I really mean PHAT...cause home girl is fine) She was speaking in the phone with someone, a lover? "The Grand Canyon? But why?"she inquired into the phone. She looked up at me clearly frightened by my good looks. I looked down ata key chain that dangled from her purse, it was pink and had the words Spring P carved into the wood.Well who ever you are I hope you do not get destroyed in my evil plans.
 PS. I bailed on the evil plan, it turns out evil is just not my style. As Sister Pure-enough always tells me:there are better ways to cure homesickness than destroying a city.

Flight of the Rock Star

8:00 pm Isabella's
I walked into what appeared to be a friendly place with a very distinct smell...well actually it wasn't really friendly at all. it was full of bikers and hoodlums! Any way I felt that I was in a safe place, away from any one who could possibly follow me. The clangs of bottles rang through the air as the fog of cigarette smoke thickened through its own travel. "May I have some milk please, with extra cream, and a side of cheese please?" An angry looking man wearing a beret' and several tattoos grumbled said, "You tryin to be funny boy?" "Certainly not!" I replied "Good dairy is nothing to jest about!" he eyed be curiously and laughed "HA HA, well thas' a mighty odd accent yer got ther but a recon yeh fit right in. Welcome to Isabella's Cafe! My name is Filthy McNasty but some people like to call me Strange Pier on account of this here beret' I like to wear. Have a man's drink ye jokester and feel yer inner parts burn!" I thanked the man kindly and took the brown liquid he handed me, I decided to leave it on the bar and come back to it, after a little investigation my surroundings I gasped to see woman wearing very little clothing dancing around men in the bar like harlots on on vacation! I eventually went back to my drink in order to avoid being rude to my new found friend. I took a swig and started to feel my inner parts burn when a strange sensation came over me. I feel as if I could do anything! Why I could even fly! By this time my brain felt extremely fuzzy, as if it were working at lightening speed! I should really fly! I know I could by George! I then proceeded to mount the bar, and stretch my wings out as far as I possibly could! It twas brilliantly done! I could feel my innards burning for more! Suddenly a man in far too many scarves and sparkles stood up. Several people turned their heads in excitement but not at me, the man seemed to be a famous knight of some sort. "Pink Floyd I love you!" one of the indecent whores shouted. The sparkly man approached me. "You look like a dumb ass, Get down." he looked like a ghostly angel full of sound and fury. "Your orange face does not scare me fellow!" I yelled.  "Just get down Jack Ass." he reached out his hand, this Ghostly figure was so fabulously dressed I was sure he must be an apparition. "Come to me oh mighty spirit!, Envelope me in your snappy fashion and cool laid back demeanor. Lord Don't fail me now!" I leaped through the air and I swear it was as if all the beauty in the world could not describe that moment "SAVE ME SPARKLY JESUS!" Screams rang out everywhere...that's about all I can remember, for I fear the fabulous spirit did not save me...or make me fly. Perhaps I will not drink from cups made by bar men wearing berets.

A flash from the Past

“David…Daaaavvvvviiiiiiddd….DAVID!”  her voice was as clear as the wine glass she nursed. “David be a dear and hand me that novella from the parlor.” The what? “From the parlor dear you can do it.” Doesn’t she know that I can do it? I can do anything, anything, except everything. “QUICKLY now dear I HAVN’T GOT ALL NIGHT!” The harshness of her voice was alarming, yet appropriate.  All the ‘dears’ mushing together like Nana’s oatmeal breakfast. MUST I? What could a little boy want to have to do with a bunch of silly books? “The Man of La Mancha, yes that one darling, I’m so glad you could figure it out.” The smell of old book added to the distinctive rustle of the crumpled yellowed pages. At least she’ll spend time with me this way…even if it is better when she’s not spending time with me at all. “Lets get this over and done with, so mummy can go meet with her special friend.” Which one? “Once upon a time…” I wish I really could be like Don Quixote. He does what’s right even when other kids call him crazy, when I grow up I want to be just like him, then EVERYONE would listen to me! Why, he’s a knight of the woeful countenance…of woeful countenance…woeful countenance…countenance….countenance…(Thoughts echo about his my head).

AHHHH! I woke with a start on the following morning having had the strangest of dreams. I leaned over and twiddled with the paperweight next to my bed, one of the nuns had given it me for the celebration of Twelfth Night. It was a tiny windmill. very sinister, yet comforting. Sketchy Dave could certainly conquer a windmill… oh yes…at least that much I know to be true.

Eye Witness Walking down the Street Near Sherwood Park...at Twilight

It's a misty miosty evening on the day of today 24th. I decided to expand my present search for the heathen stalkers in a place that is not only cheery, but won't aggravate my hobo allergies, there are far too many hobos in the area, they are simply the most scatter brained organisms I have ever encountered. One day I encountered one that spoke a peculiar kind of language, this man wore pants far too large for my taste and had something he liked to call a "doo rag" round his head. He then spoke to me saying..."where all da hoes at?" assuming this man was not from the cheesy wonderland known as my beloved Wisconsin, I decided to take pity on the man. "Would you like a little snack my dear boy?" I exclaimed. "Real Talk! who dis foo, tryin tell me? WHERE DA HOWS AT?" I then replied "Or perhaps a nice stuffed penguin named Casca or even a chocolate protein muffin, doesn't that sound delicious!" Now the man seemed unnerved by this and flashed his gold teeth at me with a crude glare. "MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN dis bitch is wak!" The man then preceded   to leat me in the dust! I was going to offer him a perfectly good childs toy and a nutritious snack! The nerve of this man! So what could I do! I enforced the Wisconsin way! I threw my gantlet down! "Hazah! my friend! HAZAH! you have cut my heart in twain! HOW DARE YOU REFUSE MY SWEET NOTHINGS! Have at thee HOBO!" before I could get at the smooth talking devil man however, I heard a loud CRACK! and then a BANG! I turned my head to find too other men engaging in combat (well at least they appeared to be men you can never be sure in a  obscure and racy town such as this! Although I never judge, I truly believe men and women can do what ever they like, whenever they like...as long as they keep that party far away from me) NOW IT'S A PARTY! I decided to cheer one of them on as the confused hobo on my left shouted something queer in his native language. "HOLD UP, ITS DA POE POE. ROLL OUT!" and he ran away....very strange. The other two men continued to quarrel until the clearly superior of the two punched the other in the stomach taking his effects and running away. This seemed mighty unsports-man like to me but I congratulated him nonetheless. It wasn't until shiny bright lights began to go off in my head that I deduced something fairly fishy going on. I needed my cape. I didn't feel nearly sneaky enough. perhaps I will view the rest of the scene from this here TREEEEEEEEE!!! oh dear....I think this place is getting to me. More later bloggers! SKETCHY DAVE THE THIRD ROLL OUT!